An annual competition
is held by the New York Times to see who can create
the best original lexophile. This
year's winning submission is posted at the very end:
No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
If you don't
pay your exorcist, you can get repossessed.
I'm reading a
book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
I didn't like
my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
Did you hear
about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because
she couldn't control her pupils?
When you get a
bladder infection, urine trouble.
When chemists
die, they barium.
I stayed up
all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
I changed
my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
England has no
kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.
This girl today said she recognized me from the Vegetarians Club, but I'd swear I've never met herbivore.
I know a guy who's addicted to drinking brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.
A thief
who stole a calendar got twelve months.
When the smog
lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.
I got some batteries that were given out free of charge.
A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.
A will is a dead giveaway.
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
Did you hear
about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off?
He's all right now.
A bicycle can't stand alone; it's just two tired.
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine last week is now fully recovered.
He had a photographic memory but it was never fully developed.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
Acupuncture is a jab
well done.
That's the point of it.
And the winner is...
Those who get
too big for their pants will be totally exposed in
the end.
