1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP?
AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months,
saying he lacked intellectual leadership.
saying he lacked intellectual leadership.
He received a $26 million severance package.
Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.
Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.
2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS.
Police in Oakland, CA, spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman
who had barricaded himself inside his home.
who had barricaded himself inside his home.
After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man
was standing beside them in the police line, shouting,
"Please come out and give yourself up!"
was standing beside them in the police line, shouting,
"Please come out and give yourself up!"
3. WHAT WAS PLAN B?
An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist
and forced him to drive to two different
automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper
proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts!
and forced him to drive to two different
automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper
proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts!
4. THE GETAWAY!
A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop and
asked for all the money in the cash drawer.
asked for all the money in the cash drawer.
Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied
up the store clerk and worked the counter
himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.
up the store clerk and worked the counter
himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.
5. DID I SAY THAT?
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery
suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup.
suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup.
When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat
the words: "Give me all your money or I'll shoot,"
the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"
the words: "Give me all your money or I'll shoot,"
the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"
6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING?
A man spoke frantically into the phone: "My wife is pregnant
and her contractions are only two minutes apart."
and her contractions are only two minutes apart."
"Is this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No!" the man screamed, "This is her husband!"
7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!
In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying
to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon.
to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon.
King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun.
Unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket! (Hellooooooo)!
Unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket! (Hellooooooo)!
8. THE GRAND FINALE!
Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert an
hour east of Bakersfield, CA, some folks new to boating, were having a problem.
No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand-new, 22-foot boat going.
hour east of Bakersfield, CA, some folks new to boating, were having a problem.
No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand-new, 22-foot boat going.
It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver,
no matter how much power they applied.
no matter how much power they applied.
After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted into a nearby marina, thinking someone there may be able to tell them what was wrong.
A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition.
The engine ran fine, the out-drive went up and down,
and the propeller was the correct size and pitch.
The engine ran fine, the out-drive went up and down,
and the propeller was the correct size and pitch.
So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath.
He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.
He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.
NOW REMEMBER... THIS IS TRUE.
Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer!
And they walk amongst us ... worse yet, they vote!!!
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