BRITISH HUMOR

BRITISH HUMOR IS DIFFERENT

 

These are clasified ads, which ara actually placed in the U. K. Newspapers.

 

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER

8 years old.

Hateful little bastard!

Bites!

FREE PUPPIES

50 % Cocker Spaniel and 50 % furtive dog property of an unknown neighborgh.

 

FREE PUPPIES

The mother is a regiostrated German Shepard from the Kennel Club, the father is a super dog, able to leap fences in a single bound.

La madre es una Pastor Alemán de Registro perteneciente al Club Kennel

El padre es un Súper perro, capaz de saltar cercas altas de un solo impulso.

 

COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
Also 1 gay bull for sale.

JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer £100.

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE.
Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie.

And the WINNER is...

 
FOR SALE BY OWNER.
Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.

Statement of the Century
Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker--Billy Connolly. "If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, How come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?"

 

 

CHILDREN ARE QUICK

TEACHER: Why are you late?

STUDENT: Class started before I got here.

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?

JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.

 
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'

TEACHER: No, that's wrong

GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

(I Love this child)

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?

DONALD: H I J K L M N O.

TEACHER: What are you talking about?

DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.

 

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have

 today that we didn't have ten years ago.

WINNIE: Me!

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?

GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I'

MILLIE: I is…

TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'

MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his

father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.

Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?

LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand...

TEACHER: Now Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?

SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mum is a good cook.

TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly

the same as your brother's…

Did you copy his?

CLYDE: No, sir. It's the same dog.

(I want to adopt this kid!!!)

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?

HAROLD: A teacher!